The Paradox Of Delayed Gratification

Everyone is telling us about the benefits of delayed gratification.

All over social media, we're always hearing people talking about discipline:

• Sacrifice today for a better tomorrow.

• Save your money now so you can retire.

• Work hard now so you can live your best life at 65.

We got the idea of delayed gratification all wrong.

Sure we all want a better future for ourselves. But by constantly delaying gratification, we experience no gratification at all.

When you look back at your life, will you think about the long hours in the office?

Or will you think about the amount of money in your bank account?

Or are you going to think about the fun memories you've had?

We have two types of people:

1) Those who cannot delay gratification

2) Those who delay gratification to the extreme

The first group of people always goes out and has a good time. But, they have nothing to show for it.

Their health is in shambles.

They have no savings.

They don't have a career that fulfills them.

Everything they do is to escape their reality.

Then we have the people who delay gratification to the extreme.

They don't indulge in any pleasures.

They sacrifice their health and relationships for work.

They work late at the office.

They wait for the day when they can finally retire and live life.

That day never comes. They're too stuck in their ways to change that.

This is the paradox of delayed gratification.

So let's talk about how to find the right balance so that you can make the most out of your life.

Life Energy

Think of life energy as the combination of physical energy and material energy.

Physical energy is your ability to move around and exert force on your body.

Material energy is your income which is necessary to live a good life.

If we were to plot our life energy over time it would look like this:

When you're 0-18 years old, you have all the physical energy in the world. But you're limited when it comes to material energy.

Once you get to your mid-twenties to mid-thirties, you are in the true golden years.

It's the perfect sweet spot for having both physical and material energy.

Then as you get older you will have a lot of material energy but you will have less physical energy. Limiting the activities that you can do.

Here are frameworks that are helping me get the most out of my golden years. Frameworks that I wish I had come across earlier.

Investing in Memories

People who cannot delay gratification tend to spend their money on material objects:

• A nice car

• Nice clothes

• Cool Tech

The ones who delay gratification to the extreme save all their money and invest their money in some way.

It's very rare to see someone focus on investing in memories.

Investing in memories is how you live a more fulfilling life.

It can be something big or small like:

• Planning a big vacation.

• Joining a volleyball league with your friends.

• Investing in a new skill.

• Starting a new business.

The returns on the above outweigh any return you can get in the stock market.

You can always relive the good memories and feel the same way you did when you first experienced it.

Doing this involves stepping outside of your comfort zone. It involves growing.

When you invest in new memories you learn more and expand your mind.

Investing in memories is also how you slow down time.

As we get older our perception of time speeds up.

It's because we experience less novelty.

We stay stuck in our routine.

Wake up. Get ready for work. Commute. Work. Come home. Stare at the TV. Go to sleep.

As we repeat this over and over again we lose our sense of time.

A year passes and everything feels like one big blur.

Compare this to children where experiencing novelty is a regular part of life.

Every year they have a new class with a new teacher and new classmates.

This is an opportunity to form new relationships and learn new things.

They have a lot of activities that they do for the first time:

• Reading for the first time

• Driving for the first time

• Falling in love for the first time

When was the last time you tried something new?

What can you do to add more new and novel experiences to your life?

This can be something small like taking a new route to work.

As you introduce these novel experiences into your life take a moment to document it.

Either through pictures or in a journal.

At the end of each day, I like to write down the highlights of that day.

That way I can look back and remember the small things that happened each day. Instead of each year feeling like a blur.

As you grow older you will cherish those memories even more.

The value of those memories increases over time.

When you're old and wrinkly you're going to think back to the days when you were young and healthy.

Make sure when you look back you feel good about how you spent those days. Because those are the golden years.

Not when you're 65 and retired.

Take Risks When You're Young

When I graduated from electrical engineering I was given a job right out of graduation.

I turned it down.

I didn't want to do electrical engineering.

I was reading a lot about business and marketing and found enjoyment in that.

When I told people about making a change in my career people gave me a weird look.

They thought I was making the worst mistake of my life.

My salary had I accepted that job would be higher than I am making right now. 5 years later.

But taking this leap of faith was the best decision I have ever made.

I get to work and learn from amazing people.

People that I respect and admire.

People that are not only co-workers but are friends.

I'm always learning and experiencing new things every day.

Rather than doing the same monotonous work that's required from most jobs.

At the time making the switch didn't feel risky.

I had no responsibilities.

I had all the time and energy in the world.

I was living with my parents so I had zero expenses.

It was the perfect moment for me.

Had I waited, it would have been harder to make that switch.

My living expenses would be higher.

Having a family would make it much more difficult because you now have people depending on you.

Taking risks when you're young mitigates the pain of failure.

You can always recover and get back on your feet.

Use this time to experiment and try new things.

Explore different career paths.

This is the time to figure out what you want out of life.

Make the Right Tradeoffs

Understand that life is a series of tradeoffs. Every action you take requires sacrifice.

Focusing on your career and earning more might mean sacrificing relationships.

Partying and binge drinking means sacrificing your health.

The good thing is that we get to choose the sacrifices that we get to make.

The reality is that most people don't.

Most people sleepwalk through life. They aren't aware of the tradeoffs they are making.

From now on get hyper-aware of the tradeoffs you are making.

Do they align with your priorities?

Your priority right now could be to travel, party, and have a lot of fun.

It might be focusing on your career and making more money.

It might be building a family.

The best part is that there is no wrong answer. As long as it aligns with what you want in life.

If not, that is the true definition of failure—working towards something you don't even want.

Doing something because everyone else is doing it.

Take time to write down what you want out of life. What does your ideal day look like?

Now write down all the things you are willing to sacrifice to get there. Then cut it out of your life.

The beauty of life is that your priorities will change over time.

In my late teens to early 20s, I loved going out with friends for drinks.

When I turned 25 I stopped drinking completely.

A few years ago, I was also much more focused on my career. Now I'm placing more importance on dating and finding a partner.

So stop listening to all the people who are telling you how to live your life.

You parents. Your teacher. People on social media.

Listen to what they have to say but don't act on their advice if it doesn't resonate with you.

Learn to think for yourself.

Come up with your values, principles, and priorities.

Extend the Golden Years

The frameworks above help you maximize your golden years.

Very few people focus on extending their golden years.

As you get older your material energy grows and your physical energy declines.

You can extend your golden years by slowing down the decline of your physical energy.

Take care of your health. Move your body. Eat nutritious foods.

All these things can help you squeeze more juice out of life.

Another underrated way to extend your golden years is by having quality relationships.

Social connection was necessary for survival which is why it is such an ingrained need.

Usually, when life gets busy, the first thing to go is relationships.

Good relationships reduce chronic stress which also reduces aging. It also can increase longevity.

My favorite memories always involved people. So if you want to create more memories go outside and connect with more people.

Having quality relationships improves and lengthens your life.

I hope these frameworks help you get more out of life.

Thank you for reading,

Ashvin